Values Conflicts and How to Respond

Individual values are deeply personal and internal. 

This often creates conflict in our personal and professional lives with those who have values that are different from ours. Yet despite our individual differences, research has shown that we all share a common set of shared values. Appealing to those values and connecting at a level of commonality is what brings us together, and holds us together.

Your values are framed by your own unique cultural, religious, political, and geographical perspectives, just to name a few. These unique individual experiences shape how you see the world, and what you view as good and bad, right and wrong. This may keep you from entering a conversation if you think your view is unpopular, wouldn’t be welcome, or conflicts with what you are being asked to do. Afterward, this can result in the inevitable second-guessing and a lot of “woulda’, coulda’ shoulda’” unproductive ruminating about what you should have said. 

Voicing values

Voicing your values begins with “zooming out” and finding the common ground that we all share in spite of our individual differences. As articulated by Mary Gentile in Giving Voice to Values, research has shown that there is a “short-list” of common values that have stood the test of time and that we all share, regardless of individual cultures, religions, or geographies. Those values are:

1. Honesty
2. Respect
3. Fairness
4. Compassion
5. Responsibility

This list, albeit short, is the cornerstone that makes it possible for us to have meaningful conversations and find common ground despite our individual differences. 

Values conflicts and possible resolutions

This list of shared values, albeit short, is the cornerstone that makes it possible for us to have meaningful conversations and find common ground despite individual differences or points of view. 

For example, if someone makes a comment towards another person that you consider discriminatory or racially insensitive, consider asking them a question, such as “Why would you say that?” or, “Why do you think that?” This type of prompt can change the course of a conversation, and recenter it around the value of respect.

On the global stage, bribery can often be an issue. Individuals sometimes think they can help their company by paying a bribe to a foreign government official to get work done more quickly or to reduce a regulatory fine.

While yes, bribery is wrong and illegal, it is often more helpful to come at these conversations from a values-based perspective, such as honesty and fair dealing.

You can lead by educating employees that your company values honesty and fair dealing, and therefore you don’t want them to pay bribes. Explain that such actions actually hurt the company, the community, and them. After establishing common ground on the shared value of honesty, then you can go deeper into the explanation of the legal and compliance issues.

What to do when you encounter a values conflict

When a values conflict arises, remember these 5 tips:

1. Ask yourself if the conflict rises to the level of one of the five commonly-shared values. Is a true ethical principle on the line or is this a matter of personal beliefs and taste?
2. If the conflict involves one of the five commonly-shared values, try to reframe the discussion around the shared value(s). Use common ground to help ease the initial difference of opinions and implicitly apply to shared values.
3. Broaden the scope of the discussion beyond the parties involved. When dealing with a values conflict, it is far more effective to discuss how an issue affects others, whether it be customers, employees, or the community.
4. Offer a well-timed, thoughtful question. The first principle for the effective practice of business ethics is speaking up. But speaking up doesn’t mean you must present a forthright, direct, challenging statement. Sometimes, all it takes is a thoughtful and well-timed question to change the course of a conversation.
5. Engage in active listening. If you seek first to listen and understand, you will be more informed as to how you can reframe the conversation by appealing to a shared value.

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